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Table of Contents

Sex and all about BDSM

The books in the series 50 Shades of Gray are widely read worldwide.

These books have prompted many people to experiment with whips, handcuffs, blindfolds and masks in the bedroom.

From signing a contract to nipple clamps, there’s a lot going on in the book series.

But what exactly is BDSM?

What does it stand for, and what forms are there?

Does BDSM always involve pain?

How far do you extend this as a lifestyle beyond the bedroom?

You can read all about it here.

In addition, we make short work of prejudices and answer all the questions you always had about BDSM.

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What does BDSM stand for and what does it mean?

BDSM is actually a collection of abbreviations for various sexual preferences.

Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission and Sadism and Masochism are part of BDSM.

The different parts have common ground, but within BDSM you don’t have to participate in all disciplines.

Broadly speaking, there is a power balance within BDSM, it is a kind of role play where one person is dominant and the other submissive.

A common mistake is that people think that BDSM is by definition rough, with a lot of pain and very extreme wild sex.

We briefly explain the different disciplines below.

Bondage & Discipline

For all forms, it varies from very extreme to careful trying.

The same goes for Bondage & Discipline: You can start with a simple blindfold and handcuffs.

Bondage is aimed at limiting freedom of movement, in order to clarify the balance of power.

This can be from a simple cord that prevents the submissive person from moving their hands, to bondage rope or a bondage harness.

Also part of Bondage & Discipline is to stimulate the senses: for example, a blindfold takes away sight.

By limiting one sense, the others are stimulated.

Inside Bondage & Discipline the possibilities are endless, from very extreme to a little teasing.

For example, you can tickle your partner who is blindfolded with feathers on the skin, or drops of candle wax.

This can all be built up slowly to possibly the hard work, if that is pleasant for you.

Dominance & Submission

The balance of power is the common thread within BDSM, and often the most exciting part for those who practice BDSM.

One person is dominant and in control of the other.

Some find it exciting to be in control, some like to surrender.

Here too you can divide the roles differently each time, although most people have a fixed preference.

You can determine in advance how extreme the dominant person is in control.

Is the submissive not allowed to decide for himself or to indicate what he or she likes?

Agree on a safe word in advance, so that it is always clear when the game has to stop.

Sadism & Masochism

This form is the most well known, also called SM, and it focuses on pain. Many people think that this form always belongs to BDSM, but this is not necessarily necessary. Role play also plays a role in SM: the sadist enjoys when the other is in pain.

Here you can also choose how far it goes: from a big tap on the buttocks to nipple clamps, and even more extreme attributes.

Start carefully again and see together how far you can and want to go.

Here too, a previously agreed safe word is useful, so that you can clearly indicate where the boundary lies.

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BDSM as a lifestyle?

Another common prejudice is that BDSM is always carried on as a lifestyle.

There is sometimes an image that people who practice BDSM always walk down the street in a leather suit, or that people have to walk with a collar on their Dominant.

Of course there will be people who do that, but this is extreme.

Most people limit their BDSM indulgences to within the bedroom.

Signing a contract as in the 50 Shades of Gray book series is therefore a very extreme example.

BDSM can be completely filled in in the way that is pleasant for both of you.

Don’t like pain?

Then leave out the extreme of the SM, and enjoy the role play.

BDSM and its attributes

There are many toys that can be used within BDSM.

For beginners, there are whips or a paddle to hit gently or not.

With a blindfold or a mask you can choose to cover the view.

A collar, ball-gag or bit-gag are suitable when you want to make it very clear to your subordinate who is boss.

You can use handcuffs to tie someone up, but there are also special bondage harnesses or cuffs that tie the wrists to the thighs.

Nipple clamps come in all kinds, with or without weights.

There is also a wide choice of clothing. From beautiful lingerie to complete latex suits with an open crotch: there are many options for both men and women.

A tickler is nice to start with, which is a stick with feathers on it.

This allows you to tease your partner, especially when they are blindfolded.

With a sinner you can please your partner to a bit rougher torment.

From cock ring to vaginal sucker: the possibilities in toys, from discovery to rougher work, are endless.

Here too, you can carefully try some things as a beginner and see for yourself where it ends.

Finally: the most important BDSM tips

In order to enjoy sex and BDSM, we’d like to give you some tips to experiment gently together.

  • Safeword

Use a safe word, choose them together beforehand, and stick to it both.

Do not cross borders, the game should remain fun for both.

  • Start modest

Always start with the ‘light version’, such as a blindfold, a simple whip or handcuffs.

Is that exciting for you?

Then find out together how far you want to go.

Let go of the idea that BDSM is only wild, rough and painful, and discover together what is pleasant for you and how BDSM can enrich your sex life.

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